I Live Here!

Tonight I was walking home after a full day, carrying a bag of cucumbers, tomatoes, lemons, apples, yogurt and crackers, and I said to myself, "I live here!" I practically started to sing...

This past week has been full of many challenging times- moments of self doubt and intimidation in school, anxieties about speaking Hebrew and feelings of loneliness. But each day I move forward, little by little, or as they say in Hebrew l'at l'at. The director of the my program gave me some good advice. She said, "be gentle with yourself," and that has continued to comfort me.

So tonight when I experienced this joy, it was quite remarkable. That is an update on the emotional state of Cara... now for some intellectual, spiritual and just daily experiences!

Last week I began my acclimation to the environment of my school, Pardes. It is a fascinating place full of incredible individuals and amazing diversity. For most of you the concept of a house of study   (בית מדרש pronounced beit midrash) may be foreign but in Jewish tradition it is the way of study.

Imagine a large room filled with small tables with chairs on either side, and bookshelves along every wall, covered with ancient, medieval and modern Jewish texts and commentaries, and then imagine the sound of 40-50 groups of two or three people reading, discussing and debating. At first it is a very strange environment to learn in because you have to really focus on your partner (חברותא pronounced chevrutah). Each class we begin in a normal classroom with our teacher introducing new content or reviewing the previous class's content. They then distributing the sources for the day and we head to the beit midrash with our chevrutah. The process of finding the "right" learning partner is quite interesting, since sometimes you don't connect or match this person and then you need to navigate how to change partners. Often teachers help students with this process. Fortunately I have had positive experiences in three of my four classes, and the fourth worked itself out naturally today. In the beit midrash we read our sources out loud, usually in Hebrew and English, discuss our understanding of them and ask one another questions. The teacher circulates and checks in with each table. It is amazing. The sources range from texts from the second century CE to medieval times to modern and contemporary commentators. Of course I am overwhelmed by the never ending connections between the sources, their incredibly learned authors and schools of thought, and then the breadth of knowledge my teachers hold about these texts. It is hard to put into words. Once we finish the sources, we usually return to class to unpack the content, discuss ideas and ask questions. It is very intensive and I leave each class with my mind spinning.

My classes include a introductory Talmud class called Better to Die than to Sin? in which we are reading a specific section of the Talmud, and learning some general structures of this very complex and expansive set of books, written in both Hebrew and Aramaic. This course is two and a half hours and meets five days a week.

After a short break, I have Women and Judaism for an hour and a half, which presents the evolution of Jewish law and custom in regards to women's role and practices in Judaism. Our teacher is amazing and is constantly presenting current events in Israel and recent articles to provide contrast to the sources. This class meets four days a week. On the fifth day we have different guest speakers visit Pardes. Tomorrow I will hear a class on organ donation and Jewish law.

After the lunch break we have our last class of the day, again two and a half hours. These classes meet only twice a week. One is in the Spiritual Living track and taught by an amazing woman. In addition to reading sources and in class discussion, we do reflective writing, guided imagery/meditation and a Jewish practice called hitbodedut, or self alone time, in which you speak aloud to the Divine. Quite profound. The other course is on 6 Habits of Effective Leaders, referring to again to sources for such habits. So far we have studied ego, vision and empowering others.

Also each week we have an educational trip or tour. Tomorrow we will go to the Israel Museum, which I love! Some of you may already know of my obsession with museums... it continues!

I went there last week with Rina and had an incredible time exploring the Israeli art, 19th and 20th century European painting and a special exhibit about Chasidism. Simply amazing. I plan to get a membership so I can frequent this massive museum.

Of course I have many, many stories to share outside of my studies and museum visit, but will share just a few highlights now.

Last Friday night I went to services at a Reform synagogue right down the street. Now this is a novelty in Israel where the majority of synagogues are orthodox. Although very American, with page numbers announced in English, the whole service is Hebrew, with an obviously American rabbi speaking in Hebrew the whole time, and the president reading announcements in Hebrew. They sing a lot, including many familiar songs and even some familiar tunes. Now I have never had such an experience in prayer while in Israel and it brought tears to my eyes as I sat there in song with a community in my neighborhood. I am so thrilled to be able to return here. All I can say is wow.

About a five minute walk from apartment is a street called Emek Refaim, filled with cafes, restaurants, grocery stores, clothing shops, my bank, a wine store and much more. It is so lovely.

Today I successfully deposited my rent into my landlord's bank account and then walked down to Cafe Hillel with my new friend Leah, who is from Los Angelos but is fluent in Hebrew. We enjoyed a limonana, which is a lemon and mint drink that is heaven. When she went to the restroom I said something to a young woman sitting beside me since I had noticed her smiling occasionally as we switched back and forth from Hebrew to English. She asked me what I am doing here, and as soon as I said I am here for two years, she asked me if I had places to go on Shabbat, which is very Israeli. She then gave me her number and told me to call her, that she lives in the neighborhood. I was super excited that I had the courage to speak to her in Hebrew and have made my first Israeli "friend" here!

In closing I must make a correction to my last post. The promenade that is being built behind my apartment building is not called the tayelet, even though it is a sort of promenade. It is specifically called the derech harekevet, meaning street of the railroad, since it is being constructed from the old railways. The section behind Emek Refaim is complete and in the evening filled with people running, strolling and walking their dogs. I look forward to the day when they finish the section by me!

Tomorrow one of my roommates who will be with me for the year arrives and I am so excited. Live is becoming more and more normal here and I am loving this new feeling of calling this my home. I still miss Eugene a ton and feel homesick often, but l'at l'at I am feeling like I really live here.